Don't force your kids to take over the business
This is going to be a message to two distinct groups. The owners (parents usually) of a business, and the child(ren) that they're trying to force succession of the company onto. This is a big problem, which often starts very young in the child's life, and can lead to disastrous consequences for the business and the family.
TO THE PARENTS
I get it, you've either built, or continued, a legacy with your business. Your family name is attached to it. Maybe it's even named after it. And you'd love nothing more than to see it be continued by at least one of your children.
But if they don't show self-interest in taking over the dynasty, you need to stop forcing it on them. You aren't a Queen or King. Your last name doesn't infer you belong to a House-of-Something. There is no birthright, or birth obligation, to your children assuming your position.
And it's going to have bad outcomes if you do. Like, potentially crazy bad. There's many reasons why a second generation business succeeds only 60% of the time. And why by the time you get to the 3rd or 4th, that drops below 5%.
But forcing a child to take over something they don't want to do, is chief among them. The reasons why failure occurs stars with, but is not limited to:
They have no passion for the business
They do not have the desire to learn how to run the business
They are distracted by hobbies and other interests that consume the majority of their working hours
You've spoiled them over the years and they don't understand what it takes to run something, versus just get free handouts
The list of things that could happen (and that are all bad, very, very bad), starts with, but is not limited to:
The business fails and people lose their jobs and livelihoods
Your child(ren) will be jobless and directionless after failure
Your legacy is ruined
Your family could face financial hardship/ruin
Your relationships can be irreversibly damaged
TO THE KIDS
If you're put into a situation of being pressured to take over a family business you don't want to be a part of, I feel for you. Resentment and guilt are really terrible feelings to carry with you for most of your life. Let's make sure to avoid that.
If you're considering joining the family business are you:
Genuinely passionate about the business and opportunity, or do you feel pressured to do it because it is 'what you should do?'
Understanding that the lifestyle your parents show now, is not what you can expect at first, or are you doing it because of the riches and easy life right out of the gate?
Prepared to have this be your primary focus, or are you more interested in pursuing other hobbies/interests and have this be something your managers mostly take care of?
Sure that you don't have other passions you will feel regret for not pursing?
If you answered a Yes to any of the second parts of the bullet points, or the last bullet point alone, then we need to talk. Like arm around the shoulder, let's get real talk.
You're about to tell your parents you don't want to do this. That could suck. So here's what you need to keep in mind when you tell them:
Your happiness is more important than theirs - I know, that sounds harsh, but whose life are you living, theirs or yours?
Simply being born into a family that has a business does not mean you are obligated to take it over - you aren't some fu*ked up royal family (no offense meant to the Sovereign who's on our money... 😬)
The world is a really big interconnected place and has limitless opportunities, so it is ok to not want to tie yourself down to a family business when you want to experience and explore
Let them down easy, be gentle and kind, honest and compassionate, and show empathy to the fact that this might be a big shock
Make sure your conscious is clear on whatever decision you make; because ultimately you answer to yourself over your happiness
TALK IT OUT
These aren't easy discussions. But there's so much at stake that you need to have them. Don't avoid honesty and openness. I assume at the end of the day you want to preserve your family's relationships and bonds.
Is it really the worst thing if your kids don't want to take it over? Sell it to the highest external bidder instead, live, love and laugh through retirement with expensive wine, and fly your whole family out to Hawaii to celebrate the success of your life-long effort.
And then support and be happy for whatever path your child takes.
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